MIDDIES GOT TALENT:   First Prize   ESSAY

The Blinding Regret

My life was perfect.  I had every single thing a young lady could ask for: the talents, the looks, the friends and the guy.  I was permanently in the spotlight. No - I wás that bright light.  Yet, I've never regretted anything as much as that!  The light was blinding, and I missed out on the best part of my life: you.

You'd think that sisters should be there for each other, but - oh no - this arrogant little light couldn't but flatly ignore the cuts and gashes on your arms or the circle under your olive green eyes.  I was sure they'd all disappear like the seconds of time and that you would get a grip on your world.  Today I know that they slowly fade away, but they leave gigantic gaping scars that remind you day by day of your turmoil.  I just couldn't see your darkness through my light.

I remember how you had come to me that night.  I'll never know whether you just wanted a friendly chat or if you wanted my big-sisterly advice.  I wish I could have told you to stay! But, yet again, I was so caught up in my own, self-centered spotlight-world.  I saw the eagerness and the fear in your eyes and I smelled the sour taste on your lips, yet I chased you away like a bum begging for drinking money.

Honestly, I did never really like Peter.  His chocolate-brown eyes were always too cunning and his jeans too baggy.  I noted how nervous you were around him, especially that night.  I should have done something...  I should have kicked him out of the house when I saw his dark stubble lining his grin as his filthy hands wandered around your innocent back.  I should have said something!

That night, as Peter drove his van over the edge of that bridge holding my scared little sister's hand, my spotlight dimmed.  My life grew darker with every centimeter the wheels moved, until my light vanished: drowned in that revolting red Chevrolet.

Now I've lost you to the Angels.  I hope they give you the love and understanding that I never did.  I hope you have everything that you could ever wish for, and more, while I'm left to pick up the shattered parts of my life in the darkness.  Mý darkness.  Now, finally, I understand, and I hope that, one day, your heavenly radiance will light up my life again.

                                                                                                                                    By:  Bernice Taljaard